Dear Family,
I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that Pandora has passed. I feel so bad about this, as I know it could have been avoided if I kept a closer eye on her, and put her on a leash. She was just too comfortable crossing streets, and I should have known this. I am so sorry, as I know Pandora was a part of the family to all of you, and that you all loved her very much, too. If there is any light to be shed on this traumatic event, it was that it was immediate, and Pandora did not feel any pain.
Once it happened, I knew I had to tell each one of you. And that was the hardest thing to do. Should I wait until tomorrow, should I put it off for a week? The only thing I could do was tell each of you immediately. I needed to get this off my chest, and I am so appreciative for each of you and your support for me. You helped me to gain peace and comfort. You are all amazing girls, and the best daughters I could ever ask for. I love each of you, the exact same amount. And I pray for your happiness and safety. Like with Pandora, I have tried my best to allow you all the freedom, not keep you on a leash, so you become independent, confident and strong. I am proud of each of you and the women you have grown up to be. Thank you for being such great daughters. And I pray that you all tread carefully.
Immediately after Pandora passed, I held her on my chest while laying down on a lawn chair in the backyard, near the shore of the lake. It was very peaceful, as the sky was clear, the moon was out, and it was quiet. I told Pandora how much I loved her, and that she was the best dog anyone could ask for. I told her I was sorry for not being more protective. I mentioned all of your names, Christina, Cassandra, Nicoletta, Adriana, and shared how much each of you loved her and how important she is to all of our lives. I let her know that our memories of her will never die. I let her know that the tears I have for her will never dry.
That night, I took Pandora into the cabin, laid her down on a blanket and covered her with a towel. At this time, I had realized that there would be no closure for any of you. You could not see her, pet her, share your feelings with her. To someone you have lived with for most of your lives. And this was something I was the only one who would have. I started to dwell on this, how can I help each of you achieve some type of closure with Pandora being in your lives. I thought about what I could do for each of you which would give you some sense of real connection and also conclusion to Pandora being a real tangible soul in your lives.
After a lot of thought, I considered taking some locks of hair for each of you, and I started collecting clippings right away. Most of the trimmings I got were from her beautiful tail and ears. Then, I decided that I should present them to you all in a way that will make you smile, give you some sense of closure, and that you can use in your own way to memorialize our amazing dog, Pandora.
This night proved to be most difficult for me. I did not go to bed until 1 or 2 in the morning. And when I laid down, I could not sleep. I must have dosed off here and there, but I felt like I was awake the whole time. A couple times, during this night, I heard Pandora whimpering. Like she would when she wanted to go outside or wanted a treat. I would get up to check on her, but her body was still and cold. The whimpering was so real, I could not shake it from my mind. She wanted something and I did not know what I could do. I would just lay back down and cry some more.
The next morning, I was up and out by 8am. I was taking her to the veterinarian's office in town. Pandora sat in the passenger seat, wrapped up in a blanket. It was a beautiful drive through the mountains, passing farmhouses, and viewing the plush rolling hills and valleys. It was a peaceful drive. I put my hand on Pandora, and I continued to share with her how sorry I was and how much we all loved her and that we would never forget her. I told her that she will live in all of our memories forever.
The people at the veterinarian's office were nice and supportive. They took Pandora from me, and I asked to pet her one last time. I uncovered Pandora and held her tight to my chest and started crying again, before handing her back. They all knew that Pandora was a very special dog. They all comforted me. I watched them take Pandora to the back room. It was very difficult for me. I do not think I ever cried so hard.
On the way home I passed all the things I passed taking Pandora to the vet. I had never been down this road before, and it was like going back in time. But it did not bring Pandora back into our lives.
Pandora will now be cremated, and her ashes will be placed in an urn and delivered to our home in the coming days. My hopes are that when you are all together you have a ceremony of your own, and I suggest that you spread Pandora's ashes on the front lawn, where she grew up, loved, and always recognized as home. So, we will always be comforted to know that Pandora will always be at the home she always knew, she loved, and where she felt at peace.
About three days after Pandora's passing, I had my idea for what I would do with the locks for each of you. If you are reading this, you have already seen what I had done for you. I hope that you like it, and that it helps to provide you with some closure you all deserve to have. It took me hours to do these, it was not easy for me, and they are fragile. They are meant to be preserved, and either hung up in a special area, or stored in a box that you can bring out when you want that comfort, excitement, and love Pandora unconditionally gave to each of us.
I love you all. And I am sorry for your loss.
Dad
